My Fitness Journey

I have been on this “Fitness Journey” for what feels like a million years.

I’m going to start from the bottom and work my way up…

 Planning my wedding was something I had done since I was a teenager. Haha, Yes. I sat at Barnes&Noble at 16 yrs old with wedding magazines all over the floor in front of me deciding what I would wear down the aisle one day.  So when the time finally came I was so excited! Until… it was time to choose a dress. I knew that I had gained weight… I knew that the dresses I had once chosen and admired probably wouldn’t be options but walking into that store FULL of wedding dresses- it hit me like a ton of bricks. I chose the first dress that fit and I didn’t hate. That was literally my criteria. It needs to fit. I don’t want to hate it.  Not a dress I loved but  a dress I didn’t hate. It was a nice dress. Lacey with a full skirt and pockets. It was pretty. But it wasn’t what I hoped I would look like on my wedding day.

That didn’t stop me from having a beautiful wedding . It didn’t stop me from enjoying my guests and most of all my husband and our love on that day. I was simply indifferent about what I wore that day. I didn’t FEEL beautiful. I didn’t FEEL gorgeous I just wanted to hide from people. My biggest physical insecurities were on display for literally EVERYONE I loved to stare at. I didn’t want many photos taken of my getting ready. I hid from the camera. Truth be told it makes me sad to think about it, but it was such a eye opening time in my life. Not only was I unhealthy on the outside I was unhealthy emotionally as well. I hadn’t realized how far id let it go.

VERY soon after our wedding I became pregnant with our little boy.

 

THAT. Wow- that was everything. My whole life changed the moment I found out I was pregnant. Not only in my heart but my BODY kind of … took over. I craved the occasional taco (never been a taco fan) and Milkshakes were everything , but MOST of all I craaaaaved fresh fruit.  Those midnight cravings, those- I need it NOW or someone might get hurt cravings were for blackberries, Raspberries, apples, nectarines, and grapefruit. I was a regular at The Fresh Market going through it like cuh-razy.

When My son was born I was determined to transform myself into the best version of myself I could possibly be. For him. For myself.  About 6 weeks after my son was born I got knocked down with Pancreatitis. My Gall bladder  had to be removed and I wound up in the hospital close to death for a little over four weeks. With a newborn at home. Talk about STRESS.  (Those four weeks could be an entire post in itself) Once I got out of the hospital I had to learn to eat all over again. It’s kind of like my body took matters into its own hands and changed EVERYTHING on me. Postpartum depression and Anxiety along with a new diet and a changing body were all happening at once and I needed an outlet.

Once I fully recovered, I began to walk a few miles every day. Eventually I began to jog. Then I ran. I RAN! I ran so hard the shin splits were SO real. I even took a spill and kept on running.

I fell in love with the way it made me feel. From then on my health and physical fitness lived on the forefront of my mind. I now ENJOYED  working out. I enjoyed the way my body was looking and changing. I felt comfortable  in my skin for the first time in a long time. Exercising cleared my mind and lifted my spirit in a way nothing else can/does.

This journey is not without its ups and downs, curveballs and setbacks. Its a constant battle. I know that I will never be or do I ever WANT to be stick thin. I will NEVER have a thigh gap. I’m a curvy Latina. “Red beans and rice didn’t miss her”. I’ve stopped looking at the number on the scale and started focusing on the way I feel physically and emotionally. I set goals for myself and I not only achieve them but I impress myself constantly. Pushing myself to do things I never thought I could and then when I do, I pat myself on the back. I pretty much high five myself. When I got married Jan 2014, I was a size 22. For the past year I have fluctuated between 14-16. It’s been a slow and steady weight loss.

I guess im putting all this out there because I know that there other women out there like me. Who think that it’s going to be too hard. Or who are afraid to fail. I know there is someone out there struggling with depression and anxiety who maybe HAVEN’T tried exercising as a form of anti depressant. Im telling you, It works. It works for me. I go to the gym 5-6 days a week now and I started small. Walking. Now I can do things I never thought I could. I feel strong.

I still have my days. Everyone does. Days when the Anxiety gets the best of me . But I don’t go down without a fight and it never wins for TOO long. Im taking this one day at a time.

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